Over or under, my marriage is going down the toilet.

Ten years ago Heather and I got married while still working on our Masters degrees.  We ignored a lot of advice and a lot of words of caution.  We were told that the first year would be one of the hardest years of our lives.  We were told about all the adjustments we would have to make.  We were told about miscommunications, misunderstandings, misgivings and mistakes we would make.  But we were young and in love (ok, maybe not so young, but definitely in love) and we went from our first date to married in under eight months.   

Surprisingly, we really didn’t have any big adjustments.  We have disagreed, but never argued.  We have been frustrated, but never finished.  We have differed in opinion, but never disrespected the other.  We were prepared, based on the counsel of others, for what would amount to World War III but have instead found an amazing relationship.  I’m not saying we are perfect or have it all figured out, and yes I realize we are only 10 years in, but I believe there are a couple of reasons our marriage has been so grand.  

So, what is the “secret” to our marriage?  Christ.  First, foremost, forefront, and forever.  Christ.  Christ in our priorities.  Christ in our finances.  Christ in our decisions.  You want to know the “secret” to our marriage?  Love like Christ loved.  Respect like Christ respected.  Give like Christ gave.  See with the eyes of Christ.  Serve with the hands of Christ.  Speak the words of Christ.  And when necessary sacrifice like He sacrificed.  

So set aside the whole “religious” deal, what is your secret?  While we can’t really separate any aspect of our lives from our devotion to Christ, there is one aspect of our marriage that any couple  (religious, atheist, agnostic or apathetic) can replicate.  And perhaps it’s best exemplified in our house by the toilet paper roll.  

I like the TP to roll off the bottom.  Heather likes it to roll off the top.  So, when the TP in our house is rolling off the top, it’s because I am the one that put it on.  When it rolls off the bottom, it is because Heather did it.  That’s right, I’m not getting it mixed up.  You see, we both try to give the other one their preference.  This is one of those “big adjustments” we were warned about.  Seriously?  Toilet paper.  Next thing you know we are going to be arguing what position the toilet seat should be left in.  

Maybe after ten years we are still too in love.  I still open the car door for her, yes, even in Africa where that goes against the culture.  I still walk behind her going up the stairs and walk in front of her going down the stairs.  And I don’t treat her as an equal, because in my eyes she is not... she is so much better than I deserve.  She is not my trophy, but my treasure.  

And no, it’s not one-sided.  Heather always puts my wants above hers.  She wants to make me happy.  One doesn’t have to look and farther than the Kudu hunt she gave me for my birthday to see her willingness to sacrifice for my happiness.  Because that hunt wasn’t cheap.  There were hundreds of other things she could have done with that money.  But she wanted to bless me with a dream I have had for over 15 years.  But it’s so much more than the big things.  It’s the way she tells me to go relax and she will take care of dishes that night.  It’s the sacrifices she makes so I can go out and do ministry.  It’s her desire to see me happy and thriving above her own happiness.  Daily.  

I’m not saying that every marriage will be peaches and cream daily.  But if you want a better marriage give this a try: Always try to out bless (note, not bless out) your spouse.  Always give them preference.  Eat where they want.  Do dishes unexpectedly.  Don’t pick the movie you both can agree on, but go to the one you know your spouse wants to. When choices have to be made with finances, go with what they would prefer.  Use kind words to build them up instead of tearing them down.  Bring them flowers for no stinkin reason other than you know it will make her happy.  Or bring him a box of twinkies and not mention how much weight he has put on lately while he is eating them.  Make them their favorite dinner.  Don’t know how?  Get online, look up a recipe and get going.  Seriously, cooking is not that hard.  Look for opportunities to die to yourself and your desires and bless your spouse with what they would want.  

A word of warning here.  Don’t be too surprised that after some time, oh say, maybe ten years, you find your marriage is no longer about blessing out your spouse but trying to out bless them instead.  

Comment below and tell us how long you have been married and what your "secret" to a successful marriage is!