...when your heart is torn between being where God has called you to and where you actually want to be.

A.W.A.  Africa Wins Again.  It’s a common saying among missionaries in Africa when we experience days of frustration of living in a different culture.  Some days, all you can do is shake your head and walk away and hope that tomorrow will be a better day.  Like those days you realize the difference between the words “to fix” and “to kill” in your language is only distinguished by one letter difference, which is a “h” in the middle of the word (don’t want to get that one wrong at the hospital!).  Or the times you get frustrated with the lack of adherence to lines in a store... or on the road.  Or when you get robbed, get food poisoning, have to eat strange foods, go back to turn in paperwork for the 139th time only to find out they you are missing the newest required document, etc... 

Africa wins again.  We say it just giving ourselves over to the realization that despite our best efforts we will never completely fit in or understand the culture we now live in.  While these days can be extremely frustrating, they are not the hardest of days.  The hardest of days are days like today and tomorrow.  Days when your heart is torn between being where God has called you to and where you actually want to be.  These are the days you try to stay busy so your mind will be distracted from where your heart is... all the while realizing your attempts are failing because both your mind and heart are 8,000+ miles away.  

When God called me to Africa, he called me away from a group of youth that I loved (and still love) dearly.  It’s not that I don’t love Africa, oh, do I love Africa!  It’s just I really wanted to give this particular group of students what I had in a youth pastor. I wanted them to have the same youth pastor their entire time in youth (although some of them might not have wanted that!).  During my 5 years at Northside we did life together and doing life together was good.  It’s just when you do life together, you become close... and now not doing life together is hard.  It hurts.  And, I don’t like it.  

Today and tomorrow Micah, Moriah, Gabby, Daniel and Bethany will graduate... and I won’t be there.  They have an amazing youth pastor now who will be... and for the next couple of days I will wish I was him. And next year when graduation rolls around once again... 

I know, be content where God has called you.  Don’t worry, my theology is still in order... I know God has called me here.  I know God is all I need.  I know God has a purpose.  I know all these things... and still my body wishes it could join my heart and mind sitting in a seat at Winthrop Coliseum... doing life together with them once again.  

Congratulations Class of 2013, from Africa, with love.